The Wrap Up

I know it's been a while since I've written (since July 27th, to be exact), but I thought I should take a moment to document my last few days in Malaysia and also to share final thoughts about my experience.

My last week in Terengganu was certainly a magical one, full of generosity, gifts, food, and special moments. During my final week at SMA Khairiah, I was overwhelmed by the time and energy spent to send me off. Looking back on it all, it was a whirlwind of pictures and goodbyes, but I tried my best to be very concious of what was happening so I could remember it all long afterward.

As with most endings, I began to get quite nostalgic in those last days. Although many things had been difficult, and I certainly didn't want to remain in Terengganu, I did not regret my time there, and I was very aware of the people who had made such an effort to make me feel comfortable and welcome. It was a strange goodbye in that way. In past similar experiences, I have left feeling torn - wanting to stay behind in the new place I had grown to love and at the same time wanting to return to the familiarity that comes with home. In this case, though, none of me wanted to stay behind. The conservative Malay culture of Terengganu was so very different from my own - especially as a woman - that I knew it would never feel like home to me. I didn't feel the same pull from both sides, but I was very cognizant of the unique experience Terengganu and its people had brought into my life for good.

Those last few classes were so difficult, as I looked into the precious and innocent faces of children I probably would never see again. When I first arrived at Khairiah, the students were mainly shy around me, and they were hesitant to participate in my strange and silly classroom songs and interactive games. By the time I left, though, the girls had long been used to me, and knew what to expect from me in the classroom. That last week was spent playing favorite games and singing silly songs together for the last time.

My school held special lunches in honor of my departure and, on my last day there, held a goodbye assembly to celebrate my time at Khairiah. I prepared a speech and a slideshow with photos of my time in Malaysia, and added the song "For Good," from the musical "Wicked," to play as the photos were shown. I anticipated the assembly to be a tough time, but was not prepared for the wave of emotion I felt while I delivered my speech from the stage. As I spoke about my time in Terengganu and thanked the school for its hospitality and acceptance, I looked out into a sea of head-covered faces and was instantly transported back to my very first day at Khairiah, when I had stood in the exact same spot speaking to the same crowd. On that day in February, I was speaking to a group of strangers, but by July many of those faces had become friends. They were no longer just faces; they now held memories and reminders of my time in this place.

Another thing worth noting about my last days in Terengganu is the showering of gifts I experienced. I got so many things from students and teachers alike. Things like clothing, jewelry, beautiful locally made batik sarongs, a giant stuffed sea turtle, picture frames, notebooks, figurines, and cards galore. I made the mistake of doing most of my packing before this final week, and then had to rearrange the contents of my bags to accommodate all the new things.

It was finally time to begin the journey home. Hayati took me to breakfast on the morning we went to the airport, and so we spent some special last-minute time together. When we arrived at the airport, we were greeted by, not only fellow ETAs, but also groups of students from all our schools who had been sent to see us off. My school selected a class of Form 4 girls to bring (one of the classes I had taught). In addition to the students, about eight of my very favorite teachers from my school came. The time at the airport was full of pictures and hugs and goodbyes and tears, and it was one of the more meaningful moments of my life. Despite all the frustration, we all left Terengganu on a positive note.

Now that I'm back in the States, and am able to really reflect on my months in Malaysia, I'm trying to figure out what I learned the most from my experience. I think, if I had to put it into a single word, it would be "awareness," but in a very broad sense.

Because of Terengganu, I am more aware of my country and the freedom it brings to me as an American, but also as a woman. Here in the U.S., we spend a lot of time complaining about what's wrong with our country, but in so many ways things are very right here. Although our nation undoubtedly has a long way to go as far as equality, at least Americans are taxed equally regardless of race, something that cannot be said of Malaysia. I do not have to carry around a special ID card that subjects me to the mercy of religious police in certain instances.

I became so aware of and thankful for the freedom that exists for me within my religion. Christianity feels so much less rigid than the type of Islam I experienced in Terengganu, and I became thankful that less lines exist between genders. In Christianity, not only do women and men not have to dress so differently, but we can also worship together, something that doesn't happen in Islamic mosques.

I also was really able to see the difference between Eastern and Western thought. We always hear about this phenomenon, but to actually live in it was quite interesting. Basically, Eastern thought is much more group and community focused than Western thought. In the West, we are constantly concerned with me, how I feel, what I want. If we don't feel comfortable or good about a situation, we are quick to let people know. In the East, however, things are done for the good of the community, and so even if an individual is not completely satisfied, they would be hesitant to voice their concerns. That made things at school difficult at times.

I have never been so thankful for simple things like air conditioning and hot water as I have been since I returned from Malaysia. We had all we needed in our apartment, but we lived in a place where few people had either of these luxuries. True, it was hot all the time so cold water wasn't 100% miserable, but then again our dishes never felt completely clean because we couldn't wash them in hot water, and our showers were never luxurious or drawn out. Plus, I have never sweated as much in my life as I did during those months in Malaysia. I learned awareness of and appreciation for these creature comforts, though, and this firsthand appreciation is something few Americans have a chance to learn.

Another thing I found myself craving in Malaysia was seasons. I had always loved seasons, but never realized how much I counted on them as part of my year. In Malaysia, where there is eternal summer, there's nothing to break up the months. It's just hot, always. I was reminded how seasons are so much more than nature changing, that they mark differences in dress, food, activities, holidays, and they help us keep track of our lives (like, "Oh, that happened in the winter because it was snowing").

I became aware of how hard it is to be a foreigner, and how much it means when people take the time to really listen to you and figure out what you need. The Malay people are some of the kindest and most gentle people I've met, and they were infinitely patient with me. Even going to McDonald's and trying to order and ice cream cone, they would listen to me carefully and make sure my order was just right. I was struck each time with this kindness, and thought about how, in many cases, the same would not be true for a Malay person at McDonald's in the States.

I guess I should conclude, then, by thanking Malaysia. I want to thank them for their kindness, their patience, for sharing their culture with me. I want to thank Malaysia for giving me such an increased awareness, something I feel will only enhance my life and views. From my time in Malaysia came friendships, language, culture, and memories that I will carrry with me always.